Chocolate Raspberries
by CHEcK-mAter
Summary: “Hey Haruhi,” you whispered, “Mori-sempai is doing a really good job imitating a Neanderthal, don’t you think?” Haruhi looked at you blankly before replying, “He’s just being himself.” OC
1. Chapter 1

"Neh, is it just me or is Tamaki in a really good mood today?" Honey piped out from behind his fifth slice of strawberry cake in an hour.

Haruhi took a break from doing her homework to answer Honey, "No, Honey-sempai, it's not just you. Tamaki-sempai is exceptionally annoying today."

Hearing what his 'precious daughter' just said, Tamaki's good mood instantly dissolved. He turned into a moody slump and started drawing circles on the carpet at what the twins aptly named 'The Emo Corner'.

Speaking of which, the twins grinned evilly before waltzing over to poke at their 'king' with a random stick which they randomly decided to pick up from a random garden. Very, very random. Their provocation pushed Tamaki further into his little depression as lightning bolts could then be seen coming from the dark raincloud over his head.

Kyouya sighed from his place being the laptop and closed his eyes as he rubbed his forehead in an attempt to alleviate the incoming headache caused by Tamaki and the twins.

"Hikaru, please refrain from poking Tamaki with that stick-"

"Mother! You do care for me!" screeched Tamaki as he broke out of his gloom and twirled around the room with flowers in the background.

"- because it will be expensive the replace the carpet with will, without a doubt, have a hole from the way Tamaki is drawing circles on it." Kyouya finished his sentence.

Alas, this fell onto deaf ears as Tamaki was too engrossed in doing the perfect pirouette in front of a disgruntled Haruhi.

"Stop it Tamaki-sempai, you are making me dizzy," Haruhi deadpanned, slamming her workbook shut, "What are you so happy about anyway?"

"Because I have a feeling something good is going to happen today."

With that, the warning bell for the start of lessons rang and the host club members dispersed to their respect homerooms.


	2. Chapter 2

My mother had always nagged at me to behave like a lady instead of a 'young hooligan' that I supposedly was. But I couldn't help but let out a little snigger (ladies giggle, not snigger) as I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

Honestly, the thing I am wearing now could easily be passed off as a Halloween costume. A Halloween costume for either an overgrown mutated banana, an extremely large glob of custard that someone splattered on the floor, or perhaps a female SpongeBob Squarepants. I have never really understood all the hype over SpongeBob. It's just a silly piece of rectangular sponge which does retarded things (which, might I add, are not even vaguely funny at all) at the bottom of the sea.

I let out another snort as I imagined myself going for trick-or-treats as a female SpongeBob Squarepants while Leon can be the male version. On a side note, at the Robinsons/ Kanzaki household, trick-or-treats only involves one stop – the servant quarters.

It is really not as sad as it sounds. I promise.

Maybe I should give it a bit of a context before jumping into the story.

* * *

Once upon a time, there were 4 best friends who married each other (ok, that sounds weird…). Not wanting to leave the college days behind so quickly, the 4 of them decided to rent an apartment together while still working as interns.

The rented apartment gradually evolved into a flat, then to a house, then to two houses, then to a mansion, and now, two mansions. With a servants' quarters, its own drive through, a swimming pool, a tennis court, a soccer field and finally, a mini golf course.

Somewhere in between, the two couples also gave birth to a baby boy and a baby girl, with a year's age gap. They were, obviously, delighted at this new development and happily made plans for their wedding. (Which, if they got their way, will involve horse-drawn carriages, castles and a sole glass slipper. Oh, and a fairy godmother, of course!)

The baby girl was me, obviously. (You must be really dense if you haven't realised by now.) As for the baby boy, it was my best friend, Leon. We had totally no desire of marrying each other, and we secretly think that our parents were either delirious, or half-senile. Both are equally bad actually…. Between being senile and delirious, I mean.

Anyway, our parents refused to subject us to '_the horrors of society'_ when we reached school-going age and instead, decided to home school us. But seeing as they were too busy (except when it comes to sitting down together to discuss our _impending_ wedding), they hired their own legion of private tutors for us.

Seeing as we are of about the same age, Leon and I took the same classes together. We study together, we play together, we watch television together, we eat together and we literally even shit together. We were together 24/ 7 and I highly suspect it was part of our parents' divine planning.

We had practically zero contact with the outside world (also commonly dubbed, The Real World) and everything we know about the society comes from the television. After one too many Disney high school movies, we decided that maybe it was time to go to a _real _school and see what it was like out there for ourselves.

So, we begged. And begged and held a strike and begged and rioted and begged and threatened suicide (just kidding) and begged and FINALLY,  
they gave in. Actually, it was all to my credit….

* * *

_One night, while sneaking to the kitchen to grab some food (because I was supposedly under a hunger strike), I went past my parents' bedroom and overheard their conversation._

_"Mummy, do you think that we should let our baby go to a school?"_

_"Of course not, Daddy!"_

_"But why? Our baby is old enough to ignore the temptation of drugs and other similar vices…. Plus after years of Taekwondo lessons, she should be able to fight off those dirty smelly vicious unscrupulous creepy little perverted bastards, oh my god, I swear I will freaking break every single bone in their body if they even cast a perverted glance at my daughter!"_

_"Uh… Ok…. But that is not what I am worried about! Have you seen the way Leon and our baby interacts? Leon practically treats our little baby as his best buddy! Like… like… like how you are with Kenzo! What if Leon meets some other prettier girl in school? If you haven't realised, oh, I hate to say this but our baby isn't really very… well-endowed…"_

_"Oh no! You are absolutely right! If that happens, we could very well have been murderers of Jenson and Kayden!"  
_

_ I scrunched up my eyebrows as I tried to process the last part of my parents' conversation. Who on Earth are Jenson and Kayden? I was already sitting on my bed, halfway through my 9__th__ banana before it struck me. _

_Jenson and Kayden were their future grandkids. The alleged 2 kids that Leon and I were supposed to give birth to. I was so disgusted that I didn't even finish the banana before throwing it out of the window._

_As disturbing as their conversation was, a brilliant idea soon formed in my mind…_

_The following day, I retold what I heard outside my parents' bedroom to Leon (he was equally horrified) and then conveyed to him my awesome plan. He thought that it was viable and together, the both of us decided to give it a shot._

_That day before the start of dinner (dinner was always held together with the Kanzaki household), Leon announced to the table and we had officially 'hooked up'. I did my best imitation of a giggle and then clung onto Leon's arms like a clingy spineless parasite. _

_They obviously didn't believe at first. But after a week of the lovey-dovey act (just as Leon and I were about to die from cooties infection), our parents caved in and informed us that they have found a suitable school to send us to…_

_

* * *

_

So now, here I am, dressed up in some weird yellow dress, about to embark on my first day of school. Wish me luck!


	3. Chapter 3

Haruhi sighed in defeat as the twins, each clamped down on one of her arm, dragged her to class.

"On second thoughts, the word 'dragged' is hardly applicable here, seeing as my feet aren't even touching the ground," Haruhi thought sourly.

It was long before the trio burst into the class in a flourish (well, Haruhi was stuck between the twins so she could be counted as part of the trio…). However, much to the twins' surprise, their grand entrance was not met by the usual squeals by their fans.

It turns out that everyone was too busy whispering and throwing curious glances at a new girl who was sitting at Haruhi's usual seat to notice the trios' arrival in class.

"Um, is this your seat?" I asked this extremely feminine looking boy who was awkwardly lounging around my table. He bit his lower lip as he nodded his head embarrassed.

"I'm really sorry but you can have the seat in front of me instead. Nobody's sitting there."

I thanked him as I quickly packed all my stuff, which I had already laid out nicely on the table, back into my backpack before shifting to the seat in front. I heard the boy settle into his seat as I unpacked my stuff back onto my new (not previously taken) table.

The pencil box goes to the top left hand corner of the table and the notebook goes to the top right hand corner. The water bottle was placed at the foot of the table, to my right, while my backpack was placed on the left. Lastly, I took out a pen, a pencil and an eraser out of the pencil box and placed them at the centre of the tabletop.

"There!" I thought "All set up and ready to go!"

It was not that I have an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder, for your information) or anything. It's just that I was used to setting up my table this way. Leon was like that too. It was all thanks to this kindergarten teacher we had who insisted that we should have everything in place because 'an orderly start to a day ends up a happy day'.

It doesn't even make any sense at all (except for the part when 'orderly' rhymes with 'happy') but we still did it out of fear of the large wooden ruler she brought to class every day.

My thoughts drifted back to the boy sitting behind me. He was, for a lack of a better word, bloody pretty. I have seen my fair share of pretty boys (like I said, I spend _a lot_ of time watching the television), but none were girly to this extent.

"Trans…vestite?" I thought, scratching my head out of reflex.

"No," I thought, shaking my head, "transvestites are boys who turn into girls. If anything, the boy-girl should be a girl who turned into a boy."

Words, like gay, homosexual, metrosexual (highly probable) and cross-dresser crossed my mind but I could not quite decide on which category to place him/ her.

I was perplexed.

What exactly was…. _it_?

The new girl was so engross in whatever she was thinking about that she did not notice the teacher walking into class. Nor did she realize that the teacher was calling her. Nor did she realize that the whole class was then staring at her frowning at nothing in particular.

She was totally oblivious, until Haruhi place a gentle kick to her chair, knocking her out of her semi-unconscious state. She bolted straight on her chair as her eyes widened and she took in her surroundings.

"Yes?" she asked in a small tentative voice, looking around the class for any indication as to why all eyes were trained on her.

"Good to have you back down to Earth, Miss Robinson. Like I've _repeatedly _said," the teacher's sharp voice called out, "Would. You. Like. To. Give. A. Self-introduction. To. The. Class?", the teacher enunciated every word slowly, almost as though the girl was hard of hearing.

She cringed under the teacher's scrutinizing glare and sarcastic tone before scrapping her chair back and heading to stand next to the teacher.

"My name is Vine Robinson. Nice to meet you and I do not bring much trouble to the class." she said, remembering all the formalities that Japanese use. She gave a half-bow and quickly retreated back to her seat.

With that, class officially began… 

* * *

I have never thought of myself as being particularly clever but I do think that the lessons that I was attending was really way below my standard. It was probably because I started the home-schooling program with Leon, making whatever I had learnt so far a year ahead of my peers.

"And this is the reason why I am currently stranded in this ridiculously large school," I mumbled bitterly to myself.

I was planning to visit the principal and inform him of my current situation so that he could transfer me to another class or something. Then maybe I might end up as classmates with Leon too. But anyway, he wouldn't be in school until at least 2 weeks later. He was out visiting his grandparents who lived on a rural mountain at some secluded place and would be starting school 2 weeks later than I.

After walking for god knows how long, I was tired. Thanks to the yellow uniform.

Do you know why it's so puffy? It's not magic or anything, you know.

It was because the puffy part of the uniform was held up by wires. Wires, as in metal strings. HEAVY metal strings. It's a wonder the girls don't travel around the school in wheelchairs.

As it is, I was lost and tired and hungry (somehow, these three things always come together). The corridor I was walking along had these large mahogany doors which were all locked. There wasn't even a classroom in sight for me to rest in for a bit. It was truly rather pathetic.

Sitting down on the floor was not an option because the metal wiring kind of screws up the whole butt-on-the-ground concept when it comes to sitting down. I tried, and I ended up kind of floating above the ground and in case you didn't know, metal wiring was not exactly the most comfortable cushion in the world.

Chairs and other chair-like structures were fine. The wires just kind of move back and form a puff at the back of the seat. But ground? No, no and no.

With this in mind, I set off for the nearest toilet.

Because honestly, a toilet bowl was always better than nothing at all, right? 

* * *

"Haruhi! What are you doing in a female washroom!" Hikaru hissed at Haruhi from the corridor.

Haruhi sighed in exasperation as she replied, "Does it matter? No one uses the washroom on this level and I checked to see if anyone is here before I came in anyway."

"But it is still dangerous! What if someone suddenly comes in? What is wrong with the male washroom anyway?" Hikaru continued hissing at Haruhi, while Kaoru was keeping guard at the end of the corridor.

"Firstly, the male washroom is extremely unhygienic. Secondly, I have no wish to further explore the male anatomy outside of what is taught during Biology classes." Haruhi deadpanned.

Hikaru was just about to retort with a witty come-back when he heard murmurings from the washroom. Before he could move closer to check out what was wrong, Haruhi and the new girl emerged from the washroom.

"Well, thanks for your help! I'll be on my way then. Bye!" the new girl chirped as she waved and walked off towards the direction of the grand staircase.

Hikaru was flabbergasted. He was speechless. He was without words.

Hikaru was a very talkative boy who was seldom without a comment or a snide remark for anything and everything. He was never caught off guard. Except for now. But Hikaru was clever and a quick learner. He soon gained back his wits.

"KAORU! STOP THE NEW GIRL!" Hikaru screamed at the top of his lungs. Mother Hitachiin had always gone by the theory that the more, the merrier. Thus, ever since the boys were young, they were being carted off to attend a barrage of different lessons. Piano, ballet, baking, drawing, painting and, heck, even paintballing lessons. You name it, they've tried it.

The inexhaustible list includes singing, of course. Singing gives you a set of strong lungs, just like how redbull gives you wings*. Thus, when Hikaru screamed, glass rattled and a mini earthquake occurred right at the heart of Ouran High School.

I was making my merry way towards the principal's office (finally!) when I was nearly knocked over by this burst of sound wave. The image of a slimey Orochimaru popped into my head before I quickly dismissed the thought.

Surprisingly, two hands clamped down on my shoulders and steered me back to the direction I came from.

"You! You found out The Secret!" a skinny red-head shouted at me, with an accusatory finger right up in my face.

"The Secret?" I asked puzzled, "Did you mean The Notebook? Haha, I sound like Google!*"

"Don't try to change the topic!", Hikaru then changed to using his 20cm voice*, "You know that Haruhi is a girl!"

"So? What's the big deal?" 

* * *

* 'Redbull gives you wings!' is actually a slogan for this drink called Redbull

* You know how sometimes when you make a typo error on the search box at Google and hit to Go button and a list of hits will still appear but right below the search box there will be this 'Did you mean (insert correct spelling)?' thingy?

* A 20cm voice literally means that whatever you said shouldn't be heard by someone out of the 20cm range. Teachers use this to encourage students to stop shouting like a bunch of unfed baboons during group discussions.


	4. Chapter 4

Um, hi.

I've had some problems regarding my application to uni so I haven't been writing recently.

I would like to thank my reviewers for their uh, reviews. Yup, thanks a lot!

On the sidenote, this chapter will end rather abruptly...

* * *

"Where did you come from?" said Kyouya, the sinister man with permanently glinting spectacles.

"Murrpfh!", I tried to speak against the gag, but to no avail.

Why exactly am I in this situation, you might ask.

Well, after I was caught by the evil twins, I was dragged back to one of the room with big big doors. There, I was introduced to the other people in the room as 'the Secret Spy who found out about The Secret'. Seriously.

From then onwards, I was introduced to the rest of the people in the room, bound and gagged, and shoved to a corner.

In that order.

"Tamaki, is this really necessary?" Kyouya asked, clearly irritated with the blond idiot as indicated by the dark aura surrounding him.

"Gumpph!" you shouted out your agreement with what Kyouya said.

"But of course, Mummy dearest! If we don't, she will run away and tell everyone about our daughter's secret!" Tamaki wailed, flailing his arms around in the air.

"Don't be such a moron! You think I can outrun all of you guys?" I shouted angrily.

Everyone turned to me in surprise. Haruhi had secretly ungagged me while the others were listening to Tamaki's warped reasoning. She took out my gag before shushing me and worked on my hand and leg bounds. I think she had meant for me to secretly sneak out while the others were busy expressing their idiocy.

Alas, I could not keep my big mouth shut.

"Haruhi, what are you doing?" Tamaki cried as he rushed to put the gag back into my mouth.

Unfortunately for him, I already had my hands untied so I was able to swipe the gag from his butter fingers. After whacking his arms first, of course.

"This is ridiculous. She's not going to tell anyone. She promised," Haruhi replied calmly as she continued to work on a particularly tough knot on my leg bound.

Tamaki continued to kick up a big fat sissy fuss, all the while shouting something about how he didn't think it was wise to trust that a random dubious girl wouldn't spill the secret. But he did not further try to stop Haruhi from untying me.

"So where did you come from?" Kyouya asked again.

I frowned as I asked him to be more specific about the question. Because, really, I was a girl of many origins. I was born in Kenya (parents were there on holiday), lived in the Republic of Ireland, Limerick, till I was 7, then stayed in Switzerland for a year before settling down at Geneva. Oh, if you looked at it the other way, I came from 6 hours of contractions and a good 30mins of pushing and finally out from my Mum's youknow.

"Hikaru said Haruhi said she checked the toilet before going in. She obviously didn't see you. So _Where did you come from?"_

So that was what he was asking about!

"I was in there all along." I replied nonchalantly, "I was sitting on the toilet bowl in one of the cubicles because I was lost and tired and there was no place for me to sit. Haruhi probably didn't think anyone was there because I didn't close the cubicle door so that I can see if anyone comes into the washroom and ask for directions."

They were boggled.

* * *

30 minutes later, my legs were still tied together.

Not because they just loved me so much that they decided to tie me up and leave me there to die so that they can stuff my corpse and keep it on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

It was because whichever idiot who tied my legs together must have been an ace Boy Scout seeing as the knot was bloody impossible to untie.

"So," I stated, staring pointedly at my poor skinned ankles. Mummy dearest was NOT going to be happy.

"So?" Tamaki replied, head cocked to one side.

I was about to release the loudest, most tortured-sounding groan in the history of mankind when Kyouya the Creeper appeared with a pair of… garden trimmers.

I had no idea what that apparatus is called, but I had seen the gardener using it to trim the edges of the hedges. I have the most wonderful rhyming ability, I know.

* * *

Little did I know, this secret that I stumbled upon had a way greater impact on my life than I ever thought possible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"How was your first day, my dear?" my mother asked, practically shoving her face into the webcam.

"Fine Mum," I replied patronizingly, "But you might want to move your face further away from the webcam because all I can see are the pores on your face."

My mother gave a shriek of horror as she immediately bombarded my father with questions on the size of her pores. And her wrinkles and stretch marks and weight as well. My father shot me a glare as he busied himself with reassuring my mother on whatever she was fretting over.

My parents were still at Geneva while I was over here at Japan. They had originally wanted to uproot everything and move to Japan too, but problems with relocating their company and finding suitable housing deterred their plans.

So in the end, I managed to persuade them to stay put seeing as we (as in, Leon and I) would probably only stay in Japan for a couple of years and then move on to university in some other country for further education.

Anyway, back to the conversation.

"So did you make any new friends?" my mother probed.

My mind flashed back to the Host Club as I gave an involuntary shudder. After I was freed, they made me swear on everyone-in-the-whole-world's graves that I wouldn't ever tell anyone about The Secret.

But Tamaki The Clown was being redundantly insistent that I should be monitored 'round the clock' to make sure that I keep my promise. Seriously.

Since I was in the same class as Haruhi, the twins would be able to keep their eyes on me. So lesson time wasn't a problem. It was after school time that was troublesome. It was part of the school regulation that every student had to join a club and obviously sneaky lil' ole me was going to blab to everyone with ears that Haruhi was a girl.

What's the best way to prevent that from happening?

Let me join their prestigious out-of-the-world fantastic Host Club, of course!

Hip-hip-hooray!

I was pretty sure at that point of time, Tamaki actually expected me to seriously bow down to him (the alleged 'King') in reverence. Nutters, that's what he is.

"Viney? Vineeeeyyyyy! VINE!"

My mother's screeching broke me out of my thoughts.

"Well, in the loose sense of the word…. Then yes. I did make some friends," I declared.

"Some?" my mother echoed, "as in, more than 1?"

"Yaaa?" I dragged out the word, "Why? You thought nobody wanted to befriend me?"

"Y-No! I mean, no!" my mother replied, flustered, "It's just that you never had much social interaction before and making friends on your first day at school is really a great accomplishment!"

I snorted before quickly ending the web conversation under the pretext of going off to do my mountain of homework.

* * *

* I only figured how to add the line thingy just now. Which is why I re-uploaded the previous chapters.

Anyway, I thought that it would be a good idea to upload a a short chapter everyday. It's better than writing out long chapters (which I never did, anyway) because my attention span is rather short, actually.

In case anyone is wondering, there is going to be some mushy romantic stuff somewhere down the line since I labeled this story is under the romance/ humour category (I think?).

As to who the protagonist is going to end up with, I'm still undecided on that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

.

My first Host Club experience wasn't that bad actually. They didn't really make me do anything. However, it was the most time-wasting thing I ever attended.

* * *

"Wasn't club time the time to make new friends out of class while doing something that one actually _likes_?" I fumed, feeling precious normal-friend-making time trickling away.

I was then situated at a two-seater sofa at a dinghy part of the Music Room, somewhere at the back near the changing rooms. After getting dragged to the club room after class, I was 'kindly' told to sit at one corner and to not disturb anyone.

Wonderful, really.

I took out my laptop from my backpack and quickly started up the system. Truth to be told, I brought my laptop with me everywhere I went. Not that I really get to go out that much, anyway.

But the point is, my laptop is my ultimate entertainment. It has everything! I can watch movies and shows and videos on it, listen to music, read stories, play games, talk to _real_ people, anything! It didn't hurt that my laptop looked adorable too.

It was actually a birthday present from Leon last year. He likes to fiddle around with all those electronic stuff (which is to be expected actually, since his parents are in the electronics business and all), and he kind of assembled and modified the laptop himself.

It had so many cool functions that I didn't even have a full list of what it could do. Honestly speaking, I think that all those applications were wasted on me seeing as I was a…. what do you call it?

Tech Noob. Yeah.

But I wasn't going to go running to Leon and telling him that all those thingy that he installed were redundant. He was probably going to call me an ungrateful brat for the rest of my life if I did that.

* * *

I silently sniggered to myself as I watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S for the _X_th time. I found it really funny (Leon disagrees) and it taught me lots of things! Like how ducks can get sick from eating face cream. It's always nice to know something useful like that, you know.

"Neh, what are you laughing at?" asked Honey, who was on his way to the kitchen (which was right next to the changing rooms, by the way)

"I'm watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, it's really funny!" I paused the show and removed the earpiece before turning to Honey with a huge smile on my face.

Honey looked perplexed as he tried to recall if he had ever heard of any show that went by that name. He was an avid television-watcher seeing as there was nothing more enjoyable than pigging out on cakes while watching shows on the TV.

The only word that Honey could come up to describe the experience was '_orgasmic'_ but he was hardly going to go around telling people that. They would probably have a heart attack if they heard him use such a word.

"Come to think of it," Honey thought ruefully," everybody probably thought that I still think babies come out from the anus."

Honey, however, was wrong about that. There was certainly someone who knew that Honey was well-versed in the art of reproduction. The said person was his 6th grade Science teacher.

* * *

Honey was biting his lower lip in worry as he approached his Science teacher who was packing up after class. He had told Mori to go on ahead to the next class first, saying that he had something to ask the science teacher about a project.

Well, he wasn't _lying_ per se. He was going to ask his teacher something, just that it had absolutely nothing to do with the project they had on astrology.

"Ah, Mitsukuni-san, how may I help you?" the teacher, Mr Aoyama asked.

Mr Aoyama was feeling rather drained from the lesson he just had with Honey's class. He was a particularly shy teacher and explaining to a class of 12 year olds that babies didn't come from nice friendly storks, but rather from sexual intercourse, wasn't exactly his favourite thing to do.

"Um… actually I have a question regarding the lesson today.."

My Aoyama immediately tensed up. He just _knew_ it was too good to be true when nobody had any queries when he ended the lesson with the perfunctory '_does anyone have any question'_ question.

Mr Aoyama plastered a smile on his face as he replied to Honey, "And may I know what would that be?"

"Uh," Honey hesitated, looking at the ground bashfully, "do I need to wear a condom to school? Because I really don't want to get any of my female classmates pregnant…."

Mr Aoyama had to clutch onto the teachers' table for support.

* * *

"Hellooooo? Anyone at home?" I asked, trying to get Honey's attention.

"Ah.." Honey blinked slowly, "I have never heard of that show before… Is it nice?"

At this, my eyes lighted up. I absolutely loved introducing people to the things I liked. With that, I motioned from Honey to sit down beside me as I handed him one side of the earpiece.

"He's gonna be hooked," I thought smugly as I watch Honey with his eyes riveted to the screen.

* * *

* The condom thing is actually a true story...


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Mori scanned the room for his blond best friend as the girl in front of him chattered to herself (supposedly to him) happily. Honey had said that he was going to get more cakes from the kitchen but he had yet to return even though he left almost 20 minutes ago.

"Excuse me," Mori suddenly spoke out, interrupting the girl opposite her in the middle of her speech. But instead of getting angry at being cut-off, the girl merely blushed bashfully.

One of the many merits of being good-looking.

With that, the stoic senior went in search of his friend.

* * *

You could imagine Mori's shock when he found his dear friend cuddled up against the newcomer, _with his precious Usa-chan lying abandoned on the floor_. (To Honey's defense, Usa-chan was originally on the sofa with the both of us… It probably fell off by itself)

Being the calm and composed statue that he was, Mori just stood there watching, not interrupting and just waiting for someone (normally Honey) to notice his presence.

Alas, Honey was so engrossed in the show that he did not even notice that his beloved Usa-chan had taken a tragic fall off the sofa, much less would he take note of Mori standing around stiffly.

After 10 minutes of waiting, Mori, despite years of practice as role-playing as a tree during school plays, started to feel rather antsy. So, Mori the Genius decided to use his favourite fail-proof tactic to get people to pay attention to him.

He loomed.

Or rather to be exact, he stood in front of the source of lighting, casting a large shadow upon his target. Normally, people would notice immediately when their surrounding suddenly became a few shades darker.

But unfortunately for Mori, we were totally oblivious to their surroundings and when it suddenly became darker, I just adjusted the brightness of the screen, not bothering to look up to identify the source of the dis-illumination.

Mori was shocked, to say the least.

So shocked, that he even allowed his eyes to widen by just a little bit. Shocked by the notion that he could actually have had been _ignored. _He then decided to bring out his last weapon.

.

.

.

Mori coughed.

So loudly and repeatedly that it would seem to the outside world that he was suffering from the last stage of tuberculosis.

"Takashi!" Honey squealed in horror, "Takashi, are you alright?"

Mori was putting his all into his act of having a coughing fit, he neglected to take in the reaction of his subjects.

"Um, it looks like he's choking!" I cried out worriedly, not wanting to see someone die right in front of my eyes, "Do the Heimlich Maneuver on him! Quick!"

Honey took my word for it and started to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on Mori. But then, seeing as Mori was so huge and Honey was so tiny, Honey could hardly get his little arms around the (comparative) giant.

So he did the next best thing. He gave Mori several punches at where he supposed Mori's lower diaphragm was located at.

Amazingly enough, it worked. Mori immediately ceased coughing.

"Neh, Takashi, are you alright?"

Mori was stunned (you would too, if you suddenly get punched in the stomach out of nowhere) and could only nod in affirmative.

"You were choking really badly so I got Honey to do the Heimlich Maneuver on you," I added helpfully since he looked rather dazed.

I could swore that at that point of time, Mori actually threw a dirty glare in my direction. But I brushed it off seeing as I didn't do anything to that guy…right?

"Neh, Takashi," Honey called out cheerfully, now that his friend was A-okay, "do you want to watch the show with us? It's really funny!"

"But the girls-" at that, the bell indicating the end of the Host Club session rang.

Now Mori had no excuse and the two of us migrated from the sofa to the ground (since there wasn't any space on the sofa to accommodate another person) as I plucked out the earpiece and tuned the show to the loudspeaker mode.

* * *

* Thanks for the reviews, everyone. They are very much appreciated!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

  
"Vinny-chan," Honey hesitated momentarily, "Can I call you Vinny-chan?"

I nodded my absently nodded my head. He could call me whatever he wants. Nobody called me 'Vine' anyway. It sounded a tad too weird.

"Vinny-chan! Do you know anywhere I can buy the DVDs for the show?"

"No," I replied, "I've just moved here a few days ago. But I doubt you can find those in Japan… You might want to try e-bay though."

Honey nodded enthusiastically, making a mental note to get one of his servants to scour e-bay for said DVDs that very night.

"Mitsukuni, we have to go." Mori deadpanned from beside Honey. The Host Club session had ended and they would be locking up the Third Music Room soon.

* * *

The sun was shining and the birds were chirping. It was Friday. AKA, the last day of a work week.

AKA I survived one whole week in school!

As I had mentioned quite some time ago, I had approached the principal to enquire on the change of class. He agreed, under the condition that I perform well on the semester exam.

And by 'well', he meant 90 marks and above for all subjects except for the languages. I honestly had no idea if that kind of results were hard to achieve. I never really had any examination before (except for the piano grading test) since the teachers we had were instructed not to give us any.

"Our parents probably didn't want me to PWN Leon in the tests," I thought, sniggering slightly.

Anyway, the semester test would be held the following week and I still had no idea then, what were the expectations. With that in mind, I decided to seek out Haruhi, a fellow classmate, for help after class.

"Haruhi!" I exclaimed happily, "Let's walk to Club together, without the Hiitachin twins!"

The twins perked up at the mention of their names.

"Now, why would Haruhi-" Twin 1 said, snaking an arm around Haruhi's shoulder.

As expected Twin 2 completed his sentence while snaking his arm around Haruhi's other shoulder, "- not want to walk with us?"

I quirked an eyebrow, wondering why they were always sticking around Haruhi. Doesn't she find them annoying?

"It's ok, I will walk on my own to the Third Music Room with Robinson-san." Haruhi replied, shaking off the arms around her.

The two of us then left the classroom with the pair of twins still sulking inside.

* * *

"So what is it that you want to talk about?" Haruhi inquired, knowing that there was a reason why I wanted to walk with her.

"Well, I was hoping that you can tell me more about the exam system."

Haruhi looked at me puzzled.

"Oh, I had been homeschooled all along. Ouran is my first school ever," I explained, "that's why I have totally no idea how things work."

Haruhi nodded her head in understanding and began explaining how exams were conducted, what would be tested for that semester's test, and how the grading system works. She was going to move on to explaining about the exam conditions when I interrupted her.

"About the grading system, roughly how hard is it to score a 90?"

Haruhi nearly stumbled. "90?", she echoed, "That's going to be quite hard. 75 is the benchmark for an A and anything above 90 is an A*."

"Oh…" I murmured, sounding rather defeated. Even though I had learnt everything before, that does not warrant me an A*. I only vaguely remembered what I had learnt and it wasn't that much of an advantage over the other students.

Haruhi, noting my despondent disposition, tried to cheer me up. "Um, if you work really hard, I am sure you can do well!"

I nodded absently as we walked up the stairs in silence, lost in our own thoughts.

* * *

*I feel like I'm just bullshitting in this chapter... But this meaningless chapter does have it's significance. I think.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note**: So much for updating once a day. I am rubbish at sticking by my resolutions. Anyway, I've quit my holiday job so I should be more free nowadays.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"Haruhi, I need your help," I whispered desperately. The Club session for Friday had just ended.

"For?"

"Help me with my revision. Stay at my house for a week."

I could practically see a neon blinking signboard above Haruhi's head flashing the words 'NO FREAKING WAY'.

Haruhi was stunned for a moment before stuttering, "U-Uh, I'm so sorry but I need to stay at home and-"

"Cook? Clean?" I interjected, "I can loan you one of my maids. Free. No charge. PLEASE."

Haruhi hesitated.

"You can have everything you want. ANYTHING. Including an endless supply of Ootori."

Haruhi's eyes sparkled.

"Really?"

"Guides honour," I said, holding up my middle three fingers.

"Deal."

Little did we know, a pair of conniving ears were listening in to our conversation.

* * *

It was Saturday, the official first day of Haruhi's one-week stay with me.

"You live here?" Haruhi asked, looking up at the building in front of her in awe.

"Yeah, at the penthouse," I replied as I took Haruhi's luggage from her and led her to the lift. I lived on the 88th storey and I would be dead meat if my lift happened to break down one day.

Haruhi was shown to one of the guest rooms – a quaint little bedroom with nothing much actually. I hadn't gone round to decorating the rooms yet. After Haruhi settled down, I took her on a mini tour of the place.

"There are altogether 6 bedrooms and a library. Only 2 of the bedrooms are on use and the rest are for guests, if any. You are free to use the kitchen if you wish to. The maid only comes in with I'm not around so no one would be cooking for us. I mostly eat take-outs."

Haruhi nodded as she took in the large apartment.

Seeing as time is precious and waits for no man (or woman, for that matter), the two of us started our little intensive one-week mugging marathon. The studying was done in the library (duh) and it was mostly silent the whole time, except for when I had questions to ask Haruhi.

It was only 4 hours into the mugging session when I felt my concentration slip. I had been reading the same MCQ (Multiple Choice Question) for the past 10 minutes. We were supposed to answer 1 question in 1 minute.

I noted that forcing myself to go back into studying right then was no use – my mental stamina was downright pathetic. So, not wanting to disturb Haruhi, I decided to stay at my current position and do what I do best.

Colour up all the 'holes' in the 'O's, 'P's and 'g's. (and any other alphabets that was shade-able).

I was only halfway through the page when Haruhi noticed what I was doing. She shook her head and sighed.

"Robinson-san, do you wish to take a break?"

My head snapped up at her suggestion and I found myself nodding away enthusiastically.

"Can we have lunch now? It's almost 1pm!" I said eagerly, waving the take-out menus which magically appeared in my hands.

To say that Haruhi was taken aback was a slight understatement.

I continued waving the menus at her face while ranting off a list of highly recommended dishes from the various take-out restaurants.

* * *

I looked at the box of tissue paper in front of me with what others would tag as a contemplative look. But in truth, I was having an internal debate on whether I should abate my hunger by consuming a piece of the high-quality 3-ply tissue.

I had eaten tissue papers before. Countless time, in fact.

You see, when we were young and senseless, Leon and I held a bunch of stupid competitions between ourselves. Those ranged from normal singing competitions to water drinking competitions to competitions on how many baby hamsters we could get the mother hamster to eat.

…

I was just kidding about the hamster-eating competition. We were kids, not monsters. Though in retrospect, there really wasn't much of a difference between the two.

Anyway, we had a high frequency of tissue-paper-eating competitions. Not because we were fond of ingesting tasteless tissue papers (Actually  
they aren't tasteless. They tasted quite a bit like writing paper.), but because the articles needed for this competition was easy to obtain.

I was just about to reach for the tissue box when the doorbell rang. It was a classic case of 'saved by the bell'. For that particular piece of tissue, I mean.

I immediately leapt off my seat and rushed towards the door with my keys at hand. I quickly released the safety latch and unlocked the door without even looking through the peep hole. This led to my downfall.

"Wha…"

"Now, close your mouth and let us in wouldn't you," Kyouya said.

But I was in the state of shock and I remained standing at the doorstep gaping at them.

"Neh, Vinny-chan, are we playing _Taboo_*?" Honey squealed excitedly, "I know, I know! GOLDFISH! The word is 'goldfish'! Because you are gaping like one! Neh, Takashi?"

Everyone, with the exception of Kyouya and Mori, sweatdropped.

"What are you guys doing here?" Haruhi had apparently noticed the commotion and had gone to check it out.

That was apparently the wrong question to ask seeing as it invoked a 1000 word essay-ish response from the half-demented Tamaki.

* * *

"- and that is why we are here!" Tamaki finished in a flourish.

Just as well, seeing as the time he spent talking was long enough for the urine in my bladder to crystalise.

"Someone," I let out a huge yawn," give this guy the trophy for the longest monologue in the history of mankind."

The twins sniggered and Kyouya's glasses sparkled just a little more brightly. Just as Tamaki was about to launch his barrage of verbal abuse at me, the delivery boy arrived.

"Wherefore art thou. Romeo!" I cried dramatically, looking at the delivery boy.

"Washing dishes," he mumbled, lifting up the plastic bag containing the orders to my face.

Unfortunately, my sustenance and I were separated by this damnable device called the 'metal grill-door thing'. That was also, coincidentally, what separated me from the savage beasts standing outside my door.

"You either open the door," drawled Banana 1**.

"or we eat your food." Continued Banana 2.

I mentally cried a river as I grudgingly unlocked the metal door.

* * *

**Sidenote:**

* In case you don't know, Taboo is this game in which someone has to act out something on a flashcard (no speaking) and the other people has to guess what word is the person is trying to act out.

**Banana 1 and Banana 2 are two twin bananas in this Barney-esque show called 'Bananas in Pajamas'.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: **

Hi, out of curiousity, does my story suck? Are the characters OOC?

Anyway, a huge thanks to all those who reviewed!

* * *

**Chapter 10**

"Are you kidding me!" I exclaimed, eyes widening in shock.

"No," Tamaki the Tayoyaki replied," If Haruhi's staying, then so are we."

By then, I had resumed my gaping goldfish antics. Thankfully, Haruhi came to my rescue.

"Tamaki-sempai," Haruhi interjected," this is a terrible idea. The bunch of you will just disrupt the conducive studying environment tha-"

But before Haruhi could finish her wonderful speech, she was dragged away by the Shadow King. Very polite of him.

Meanwhile, I abandoned gulping down thin air to shoving fried rice down my throat. With Tamaki glaring at me the whole time. I had absolutely no idea what was wrong with him. What was wrong with me? It wasn't like I was going to rape Haruhi or something….

Then it struck me.

"He thinks that I'm a lesbian!" I started choking at this sudden revelation.

I was choking so bad that my whole face turned red and the 4 morons standing around me did nothing at all to help. (Haruhi and Kyouya were still talking and Honey had wandered off)

"Hikaru, do you think she needs help..?" B1 said hesitantly.

I mentally nodded my head vigorously but I so too busy coughing physically.

"Nah. She looks fine to me." B2 replied cruelly.

At that point of time, I had gathered enough energy to dash over to the kitchen so that in case I puked (which was highly probable seeing as I was coughing so badly), I could aim it at the sink.

Which was what I did.

But surprisingly while I was doubling over the sink, someone actually came over to help. The person held my wavy waist-length ebony hair away from my face (so that I wouldn't have puke all over my hair) and um, patted my back.

I had finally gotten the stuck fried rice out, among other things, and was gasping for air when the person handed me a piece of tissue.

"T-Thanks," I croaked out. Turning around to look.

It was B1. Or rather, seeing as he helped, Kaoru.

"U-Uh," Kaoru stuttered, trying to cover up his nice act," I just didn't want to help clear up your corpse."

"Thank you," I sniffled dramatically, looking up at him with my watery big green eyes," You are the only nice person here!"

"U-U-Uh" he stammered.

I continued aiming my perfected super-duper-doe-eye-laser-beam at him.

A faint pink hue appeared on his cheeks as I sniggered.

"Come!" I said, grabbing his wrist," I will share my fried rice with you!"

* * *

"How come he gets food and I don't!" Tamaki demanded, watching Kaoru eating, albeit rather uncomfortably.

"Because," I said, feeling rather annoyed," you are a big fat asshole!"

Tamaki let out a huge gasp.

"She's right you know," came a voice from behind. It was Honey. "Makimaki had been very mean to her! First, you tied her up, then you accused her of being an untrustworthy liar. After that, you forced her to come to club when she has nothing to do there. If that was not bad enough, you forced your way into her house too and even refused to help her when she was choking!"

"Way to go, Honey-sempai!" I cheered, applauding his wonderfully insightful speech.

To my absolute horror (and amusement, I admit), Tamaki went onto his knees in front of me and held out a single red rose. I was pretty sure that he pulled it out of his jacket…

"Forgive me, Princess, I-"

"Eww! Piss off!" I yelled, quickly crouching on my sofa in case he suddenly decides to latch onto my leg.

Tamaki remained in that position with a horrified look on his face.

"I said, 'Go away'" I repeated, throwing a random piece of meat at his face.

Tamaki whimpered.

* * *

Haruhi pulled me away from my food, saying that she had something to say to me. Turns out that Kyouya was up to one of his devious manipulating plots again.

Haruhi informed me that Kyouya had offered to tutor me instead. She assured me that Kyouya was much more qualified to tutor me than she was, seeing as he topped his level. In addition, he had offered to cut her debt to the Host Club by a quarter.

"Fine," I huffed," but why is he doing all this?"

Haruhi shrugged," He said Tamaki-sempai wouldn't shut up otherwise."

* * *

**Sidenote:**

By the way, Leon will probably be making his appearance soon. Maybe 2 or 3 or 4 chapters later.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **

I currently have no idea what's the pairing... I guess it's more of a let's-wait-and-see-what-happens kinda thing. 

* * *

**Chapter 11**

_**Dear Diary,**_

The Host Club consists of a group of really messy people.

It was absolutely disgusting. Let me dissect their disgusting antics one member at a time.

* * *

**Honey**

He's all nice and cute and bubbly and sweet. But more notably, he's a freaking dirty.

Honey likes to eat cakes, we all know that. But what most people do not know is what happens to the plate and fork after he's done with the cake.

I am not really sure whether it's STM (short term memory) or what, but he tends to leave his used plates all over the place. I once found a plate in the bathroom and I don't even want to think about how it got there.

Honey is probably used to having his maids clear up after him but THERE ARE NO MAIDS HERE. But since this is my house, it naturally falls on me to clear up all the shit.

* * *

**Mori**

Well, Mori is the least troublesome member of the group (except for Haruhi, but she's not counted because she's a SHE). He is nice and quiet and doesn't make a mess.

HOWEVER, there is something inherently wrong with him.

He eats a lot. A lot, a lot, A LOT. (Repeated trice for extra emphasis)

He eats at least 6 FULL meals a day and this means that some delivery boy or another will be knocking on the door every couple of hours. The noise pollution is annoying, but not unbearable.

Unfortunately, by eating so much, Mori unconsciously generated a freaking load of rubbish. All the Styrofoam boxes and everything.

Guess who's the one who needs to clear out the rubbish bin twice a day?

* * *

**Hiitachin Twins**

They are extremely disruptive. Kaoru alone is still ok. But coupled with Hikaru, they are just a pair of walking hurricanes, leaving behind a trail of mess.

In addition to that, they simply revel in making Tamaki slink off to his loser-emo corner. This normally involves a lot of shouting and loud laughter. Which, might I add, is not exactly my soundtrack of choice when it comes to studying.

Oh! You know what is the absolute worst?

The two of them are freaking bathroom-hoggers!

They each take at least an hour to bathe. I have no idea what they are doing inside. Washing their precious hair strand by strand, perhaps?

It doesn't help that there is always another vainpot (who goes by the name 'Tamaki') who fights with them other the bathroom.

* * *

**Tamaki**

Is whiny and obnoxious.

He complains about every single thing under the sun and is extremely pampered.

But it's actually not that bad, seeing as he whines to Kyouya, not me.

Other than that, the only other bad thing about him is that he is really very forgetful.

I once found him spending an hour scavenging the entire house for the TV remote control.

It was in his hands.

* * *

**Kyouya**

Kyouya is basically fine. Just that he's an absolute horror in the mornings.

He is permanently in a bad mood in the mornings and guess what he does when he's moody?

…

He bangs things around. Slams the door shut, throws the plate into the sink and rolls his eyes excessively.

Ok, the rolling the eyes part is not noisy. But it's scary. I swear, one day it's going to drop out just like Mr Potato's did in Toy Story.

Oooh! Let me tell you a secret!

Driven by thirst, I woke up in the middle of the night one day and was on my way to the kitchen when I saw that the lights on Kyouya's room was still on. I was going to just walk pass and leave him be.

That is, until I realized that he left his door slightly ajar. So I peeped in.

To my shock, I saw him knitting.

Angrily.

He was knitting angrily. It was pretty evident from the way he was mumbling agitatedly under his breath and how his eyebrows are all scrunched up. I guess knitting helps him to de-stress. To each his own, I suppose.

I was just about to step away when I caught sight of what he was _trying _to knit.

It was either a glove, or a sock.

For aliens.

There was only 4 protrusions from the thingy and the 4 are of the exact same length. Also, it was half forest green and half gray. I think he ran out of green yarn or something.

Anyway, if all that wasn't bad enough, there was a gaping hole in the middle of the thing which was unraveling.

I suppose no one can be good at _everything_.

* * *

**Haruhi**

She's an angel.

Not only does she not make a mess, she actually helps to clear things up.

She's a godsent. I would really like to thank her parents for giving birth to such a wonderful child like her.

Goodness! Is that a crash I hear?

**Boys ARE stupid.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: **

I just got a new notebook and for some reason, I couldn't get Microsoft Office apps to work... so I wasn't able to update for a while.

It's still not working now, but I realised that Notepad works as well.

Sorry for taking so long to update!

* * *

**Chapter 12**

A loud clanging noise woke Vein up from her slumber. She groaned as she lifted up the alarm clock at her beside - the red blinking digits cruelly mocked her as it flashed 5.06am.

Vine let out another groan, louder this time. What vile creature wakes up at 5 in the morning and makes loud clanging noise from the kitchen?

"Wait... from the kit...chen?"

Vine immediately jolt up from her bed. Images of host club members messing around in her kitchen and somehow managing to start a fire in the kitchen flashed across her mind. Her mind fell deeper into the fallacy by imagining her whole house catching on fire and burning down.

With her inside screaming for help.

Horror at the image of her writhing and struggling in the fire propelled her out of her bed and sent her scrambling to the kitchen.

* * *

"Vinny-chan you are awake!" a chirpy Honey well, chirped as Vine burst into the kitchen.

Her eyes widen as she take in what was in front of her.

Honey was, Vine deduced, trying to bake a cake. And failing epically at that.

He was covered head to toe in flour (and to Vine's dismay, the kitchen was in the same condition) and there were bits of half-melted butter stuck to the countertop. If that was not bad enough, there were bits and pieces of egg shell on the floor, in Honey's hair, and upon closer inspection, in the batter as well.

"Honey-sempai, what are you doing?" Vine asked faintly, feeling like fainting at the prospect of having to scrub the whole kitchen clean.

"I am trying to bake a cake!" Honey-sempai half-yelled. Yes, even though it was 5 in the morning and everyone else was dead asleep, he had both the energy and the gall to yell.

Feeling a need to further explain his actions, Honey continued, "Well, I found this cookbook in your library yesterday," he gestured to the '_The Complete Idiot's Guide To Baking_' on the table, "and I decided to try my hand at baking!"

Vein had no idea what the book was doing in her library, nor was she an accomplished baker (the oven was left behind by the previous owner) but she knew that two brains was always better than one, and four hands were always better than two.

Basically she just wanted to do damage control.

"That's... _nice_," Vein choked out, "Do you need my help?"

Honey contemplated for a second. The thought of him being able to bake a cake _all by himsel_f was enticing, but he was quite sure that there was something wrong with his batter.

He had always wanted to know what's the taste of uncooked cake and at whim, he dipped his finger into the batter and took a tentative lick.

It was _sour_.

Even though Honey could be immature and extremely naive at times, he was not without common sense. There was absolutely no way the batter of a nice pink strawberry cake could taste sour. (He had unfortunately mistaken the jar of mayonnaise in the fridge as whipped cream and happily doled out a generous amount of the white substance into the mixing bowl.)

In short, Honey knew he needed help.

* * *

"And um, stir the batter and add in 3 eggs," Vine read out from the cookbook as Honey dilligently cracked the eggs into the mixture.

Unfortunately, not having much prior practice at egg-cracking, half of the egg shell went into the batter as well, much to Honey's dismay.

"The egg shells went in..." Honey's bottom lip trembled as his eyes became watery.

"Err..." Vine panicked. Consoling crying people was never her forte. "It's ok!" she fibbed, "The book says that the egg shells will give the cake a nice... _crunchy _texture."

Vine flinched at the lousy lie that she came up with. There was absolutely no way Honey-sempai would believe that.

"Really?" Honey exclaimed happily.

Vine fainted from shock and fell sideways onto the dirty kitchen floor.

"Ye-yeah!" she stuttered from her position on the ground, "Absolutely positively sure!"

At that, Honey dumped the remaining egg shells that he had originally managed to keep away from the batter, into the mixing bowl.

"Now it will be super crispy and crunchy, ne?"

Vine paled in horror.

"Takashi doesn't like cake much because he says that they are too soft. I think he will love my crunchy cake!" Honey beamed, clapping his hands.

"Now put it in the oven and bake for 20 minutes," Vein recited from the cookbook, secretly extremely glad that the nightmare was nearly over.

Honey, wearing oven miffs which threatened to reach all the way to his elbows, carefully and gently pushed the cake mould into the oven.

* * *

20 minutes later...

* * *

The oven dinged.

Honey ran towards to the oven, peering through it's opaque glass.

"Neh neh, Vinny-chan, can I take it out now?"

"Yes."

A moment later, Honey's perplexed voice called out, "Vinny-chan? The cake looked exactly like it was before we put it in the oven..."

Vine let out the biggest mental sigh history had ever recorded as she went over to see what was wrong.

"Honey-sempai," Vine deadpanned, "you didn't on the switch."

* * *

Another 20 minutes later...

* * *

This time round, Vine was sure that the cake finally being... cooked. She could smell the nice... cake...smell... thingy wafting from the direction of the kitchen.

Vine reluctantly removed her slumped self from the sofa in the living room (she was dead beat and was trying to take a short nap) and trudged her way to the kitchen.

"Vinny-chan, it looks absolutely delicious!" Honey held out the completed cake to Vine with outstretched arms and a huge cheshire cat-like grin on his face.

Much to Vine's surprise, the cake actually did look rather nice. It was of a nice golden-brown colour. (She had kind of expected the cake to come out all green and bubbling or something like that.)

"Vinny-chan, let me cut the cake into slices first and then we will each have a piece, ok!" Honey exclaimed as he brandished one of those pink plastic knife which always comes with birthday cakes.

"Su-suree..." Vine stammered. Just because the cake-thing looked and smelled like a cake doesn't necessary mean it was edible... Furthermore she had witnessed the entire cake-making process and she was determined not to have the cake anywhere near her mouth.

Vine's suspicion that the cake was extraterrestrial was proven true when the poor pink plastic knife broke cleanly into two pieces when Honey tried to use it to cut the cake.

"Oh, this kind of plastic knifes are absolutely horrible fragile," Vine did a sweeping motion with her arms as though dismissing the whole idea behind plastic knifes, "Here! Use this super strong titanium-enhanced, anti-rust knife made from pure... gold?"

At least that was what was written on the knife's original packaging...

Honey nodded his head in agreement as he once again attempted cutting through the cake with the gold knife.

Though this time round the knife didn't break, Honey still had problems slicing the cake. Vine saw that Honey was starting to become disheartened and tried to cheer him up.

"Um! Don't worry! The cake is supposed to be super crunchy and crispy remember? I'm sure once you manage to cut through the outercrust, slicing the cake will just be well, a piece of cake!"

Vine literally gave herself a pat on the back as Honey seemed to cheer up at her words and began to tackle the daunting task with more gusto than ever.

* * *

"Vi-Vinny-chan!" Honey panted, "I've finally done it!"

Vine was horrorstruck. The word '_shit_' flashed repititively through her head as she stood paralysed from her spot near the kitchen sink.

While Vine was internally hyperventilating, Honey managed to prop a slice of cake onto a plate and was holding it out to Vine with a sweet smile.

Vine smiled back weakly as she reached out for the plate in slow motion.

5 minuted later...

"Vinny-chan? Are you ok? You have been staring at the cake for the past 5 minutes!"

Vine nodded stiffly and hesitantly as she reached out for the fork lying innocently next to the potent cake-thing...

Just then, Vine's saviour appeared!

In the form of a Takashi Morinozuka!

Vine cried a waterfall as she thanked whatever higher being that was up there and promised to donate a thousand dollars to every culinary school in Tokyo.

Mori stiffened as he took a quick glance around the kitchen and immediately caught on as to what was happening.

"Takashi!" Honey yelled, jumping around his best friend, "Vinny-chan and I just baked a cake! A cake, Takashi! A cake!"

"Yeah!" Vine added on quickly, "I am sure you would like to be the first person to try out Honey's _precious _creation!"

With that, Vine stuffed the plate into Mori's hands.

"Aa," Mori muttered stonily as he stared at the cake. It looked _normal_. But still...

"Takashi, I know that you don't really like cakes because they are too soft, but this cake is special! It's super crispy and crunchy!" Honey looked up at Mori with large puppy-dog eyes, "Wouldn't you try it?"

"Aa." Vine thought she detected a trace of misery behind that simple word (or was that a sound?) but she brushed it off. It was _Mori _we are talking about, for goodness sake!

Mori bravely inhaled a forkful of the cake, hoping for the best.

"How is it, Takashi?" Honey asked, bouncing in anticipation.

"It is... special." Mori replied. To his credit, he had managed to supress his inner urge to retch his stomach out and had successfully kept his poker face on.

The cake was indeed _special_. Vine was surprisingly right on one of her lies. The cake was soft once you get pass the outercrust. Because the inside was totally not cooked at all.

The egg shells were crunchy, that's for sure. So crunchy that it stuck painfully into the gums, causing it to bleed. Mori was also positively sure that he heard his oesophagus cry out with he tried to swallow the... thing.

If all that wasn't bad enough, there were still distinct lumps of butter and bubbles of flour in the cake due to Honey's phenomenal stirring skills.

"Takashi? Why aren't you eating the cake? Is it really that awful?" Honey asked, tearing up.

Mori shook his head.

"Really? I think I will try a piece myself..." Honey trailed off, reaching for a slice of cake.

"NO!" Both Vine and Mori shouted at the same time.

"Look! It's so nice that Mori-sempai is practicaly shoving it down his throat!" Vine shouted, gesturing for Mori to do as she said.

Mori had to choice but to oblige as he shoved the entire slice of cake into his mouth and chewed painfully.

A loud, unnatural, crunching sound could be heard.

...

"Well, if it is that nice, I want a slice as well!" Honey decided cherrily.

"NO!" Once again, both Vine and Mori shouted out. However, it sounded more like "NOURGH!" coming from Mori who still had cake in his mouth.

"Whhyyyy?" Honey whined sadly.

"Be-because..." Vine stammered, looking at Mori for help but Mori just stared back unhelpfully.

"Because Mori-sempai here is still a growing boy and he needs all the nutrients he can get!" Vine blurted out, slapping Mori on the back for extra emphasis.

Mori and Honey stared back at Vine blankly.

"Err, meaning that he has to eat the whole cake!" Vine tried valliantly, "You know how he's always hungry? So he needs to eat the whole cake!"

Honey looked towards Mori for confirmation as Mori slowly closed his eyes, almost like someone on the excution stand waiting for the fatal blow.

"Aa."

"Alright, now that it's settled," Vine slowly backed away from the kitchen, "I'll just go for a quick shower... BYE!"

Just as Vine was running back to her room, she felt at hateful glare directed at the back of her head. But she was sure she was mistaken.

It was _Mori-sempai_ we are talking about here, remember?


End file.
